There is a classic good versus evil power struggle that is affecting me in a very personal way.
Throughout the ages, there have been epic tales of good versus evil: Zeus v Hades; Popeye v Bluto; Harry v Voldemort; Dudley Do-Right v Snidely Whiplash, you know the classics.
The battle that is affecting me dwarfs these by comparison; it is the battle of Brown versus Grey for the control of my head.
Recently Gray has been making tremendous advancements, and currently occupies approximately 45% of the disputed territory, and clearly has the momentum on its’ side. With brown struggling to maintain a foothold, and with aging and atritting forces, it seems that it is just a matter of time before dominance of the region changes hands, and then brown will be nothing but an oppressed minority, suffering the retribution born tyranny of the newly empowered Gray.
Like Egypt’s Hosni Mubarak, Brown is going to fade away into irrelevance (albeit without the Swiss bank accounts), unlike the ammonia and pigment enhanced Muammar Qaddafi (insert the spelling of your choice here), Brown does not have the resources or logistical support to maintain its’ stronghold for long.
Deposing Brown is not good enough for Gray NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Gray must taunt Brown by emerging in curled bundles to further illustrate the change of regime.
So, to my central question, why are my gray hairs curly? My internet research would indicate that it is somehow related to the lack of melanin producing pigment, therefore leaving air spaces in the hair which results in a different texture and consistency, producing the resultant curly hair.
That all sounds great, but what I really need to know is, when the battle for planet Joe’s Head is over, am I going to be doomed to a Brady like curled existence? I truly don’t think that I can live with ringlets and pin curls for my remaining years. Fortunately Houston is the home of the CHI, purveyors of the finest Flat Irons on the market today.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Monday, December 13, 2010
Christmas Confusion
Christmas is a very big deal at our house.
Thanksgiving weekend is referred to as the Christmas Extravaganza at our house. Some people wake up early on the day after Thanksgiving to shop at the stores with the big sales and the big crowds, and to those who enjoy that, it signals the beginning of the Christmas Season. At our house, we get up early, though not at 4am as would be required to participate in the shopping, to begin decorating.
The goal each year is to complete the decorating process by Sunday afternoon, which may not sound like that much of a challenge until you consider that we have 10 Christmas Trees, somewhere close to 20 wreaths on the outside of the house lights in the bushes and trees, and some sort of decoration in each and every room in the house. Fortunately, as the kids have gotten older, they have been more helpful in getting all of this done.
We also host a Santa Parade every year, we have Fire Trucks, Police Cars, local merchants and about 200 guests welcoming Santa to the house, where each child is given a gift while sitting on Santa Lap inside the house. this is a lot of fun, and my wife the "Elf in Chief" does a tremendous job in putting together and it is the highlight of Christmas for our family and many of our friends and neighbors as well.
I understand and appreciate the religious significance and tradition of Christmas as well. Being raised a catholic, and serving as a altar boy, attending a catholic university, the beauty of the real meaning of Christmas is as deeply ingrained in me, as "Charlie Brown's Christmas" and The Santa Clause".
During the Christmas season, every Sunday evening we pile the whole family into the car and drive through neighborhoods looking at decorations, joking and laughing, it is a real family bonding tradition. What causes me confusion is what the heck are people thinks with some of the decorations that they put out.
Specifically:
Thanksgiving weekend is referred to as the Christmas Extravaganza at our house. Some people wake up early on the day after Thanksgiving to shop at the stores with the big sales and the big crowds, and to those who enjoy that, it signals the beginning of the Christmas Season. At our house, we get up early, though not at 4am as would be required to participate in the shopping, to begin decorating.
The goal each year is to complete the decorating process by Sunday afternoon, which may not sound like that much of a challenge until you consider that we have 10 Christmas Trees, somewhere close to 20 wreaths on the outside of the house lights in the bushes and trees, and some sort of decoration in each and every room in the house. Fortunately, as the kids have gotten older, they have been more helpful in getting all of this done.
We also host a Santa Parade every year, we have Fire Trucks, Police Cars, local merchants and about 200 guests welcoming Santa to the house, where each child is given a gift while sitting on Santa Lap inside the house. this is a lot of fun, and my wife the "Elf in Chief" does a tremendous job in putting together and it is the highlight of Christmas for our family and many of our friends and neighbors as well.
I understand and appreciate the religious significance and tradition of Christmas as well. Being raised a catholic, and serving as a altar boy, attending a catholic university, the beauty of the real meaning of Christmas is as deeply ingrained in me, as "Charlie Brown's Christmas" and The Santa Clause".
During the Christmas season, every Sunday evening we pile the whole family into the car and drive through neighborhoods looking at decorations, joking and laughing, it is a real family bonding tradition. What causes me confusion is what the heck are people thinks with some of the decorations that they put out.
Specifically:
- What's with the Penguins? there from the wrong pole. I don't remember seeing them in any manger scenes, and other than the fact that they live in a cold place, how do they fit in?
- Red Lights...There seems to be a trend, at least where I live, of people putting all red lights on the outside of their house and in their yard. My wife says that it looks satanic, I said it looks like Christmas in Amsterdam (which may be their way of spreading Christmas Cheer).
- This is not a point of confusion, but I guess more of an observation, but the LED lights just don't do it for me. Every year they seem to get a little better than the year before as the technology matures, but the pale blue light just doesn't compare to the pin point white lights that I favor.
- Dalmatian? In our weekly sojourns there has been a disturbing trend of plywood cutouts of Walt Disney's Dalmatians in people's front yards. What does this have to do with Christmas?
- Finally, while I certainly appreciate people incorporating the religious roots into this increasingly secular holiday in the form of manger scenes, or other reminders of the real significance, but what I don't understand is why people feel that it is appropriate to put brightly lit crosses, or arrange lights in the shape of a cross on their roofs. Save it for Easter! Christmas is about the Birth of Christ, not the death and resurrection, which is what is symbolized by the cross. If this keeps up, I may be forced to protest in the form of putting a Star in my lawn during the Easter season.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Sweat, Sweaters and Streatch Pants
Today is Thanksgiving day, and for me, that means cooking.
When we got married, my wife and I had a deal, I would cook and she would do the laundry. This allowed her not to have to cook, which she doesn't like to do, while at the same time not risking the integrity of our collective wardrobes by subjecting out closes to the way that I did laundry at the time, which was putting everything in one load and washing it on cold.
It really is a win-win deal, because I like to cook and I don't like to do laundry.
I started cooking this morning at 7:30, with a big holiday breakfast. To our oldest, this is the significant part of most holidays, because there are few things that he likes more than bacon, and one of those few things is Biscuits and Gravy, and this holiday breakfast had both!
When I Started Cooking the temperature outside was 76 degrees, yes at 7:30 am on November 25th (unusual even for Houston)
We all gathered around the television after breakfast to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. One of the Local TV stations was showing the local HEB Thanksgiving Day Parade which is held in Downtown Houston, but instead decided to live vicariously through throngs of people in Ne York who actually had to wear Jackets and gloves because it was not 76 degrees.
When I started cooking the turkey at 11:00am it was 84 degrees outside and it was everything that I could do to mop my brow often enough to prevent drippage on the bird. The humidity was vintage Houston, the moisture in the air was just shy of making it necessary to be certified in SCUBA to walk outside.
By the time we sat down to eat at around 5:00 pm, it was starting to cool down and it was a mere 80 degrees. Even though the airconditionaing was churning away trying to keep a comfortable temperature to spite the fact that I had two ovens, every burner on the stove and the dishwasher on its fifth cycle of the day, I was somewhat short of comfortable by the time I changed my clothes and got ready to sit down for dinner.
While we were eating dinner the cold front that was promised to us all week finally arrived and we opened the window in the Dinning Room to allow some much needed fresh air into the room, and it actually started to get comfortable in there until my mother-in-law (I am confident that there will be many post about her in the future of this blog) said that she was (try to say the next word with a Puerto Rican accent in your head) "FREEZING" (good job I knew you could do it), so we closed up the window and made coffee.
As is the birth right of every American I ate too much, though it was all pretty good, if I do say so myself. This concludes the stretch parts section of the post, I am pretty sure that it is pretty self explanatory or in the words Forrest Gump... "that's all I have to say about that".
8:30pm - Now keep in mind that it was 84 degrees just 3 hours ago - IT's SNOWING - IN HOUSTON!
A forty degree drop in temperature in three and a half hours and snow.... I think that it is a Thanksgiving miracle, or a cruel joke on Al Gore....I think I like that possibility best :)
When we got married, my wife and I had a deal, I would cook and she would do the laundry. This allowed her not to have to cook, which she doesn't like to do, while at the same time not risking the integrity of our collective wardrobes by subjecting out closes to the way that I did laundry at the time, which was putting everything in one load and washing it on cold.
It really is a win-win deal, because I like to cook and I don't like to do laundry.
I started cooking this morning at 7:30, with a big holiday breakfast. To our oldest, this is the significant part of most holidays, because there are few things that he likes more than bacon, and one of those few things is Biscuits and Gravy, and this holiday breakfast had both!
When I Started Cooking the temperature outside was 76 degrees, yes at 7:30 am on November 25th (unusual even for Houston)
We all gathered around the television after breakfast to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. One of the Local TV stations was showing the local HEB Thanksgiving Day Parade which is held in Downtown Houston, but instead decided to live vicariously through throngs of people in Ne York who actually had to wear Jackets and gloves because it was not 76 degrees.
When I started cooking the turkey at 11:00am it was 84 degrees outside and it was everything that I could do to mop my brow often enough to prevent drippage on the bird. The humidity was vintage Houston, the moisture in the air was just shy of making it necessary to be certified in SCUBA to walk outside.
By the time we sat down to eat at around 5:00 pm, it was starting to cool down and it was a mere 80 degrees. Even though the airconditionaing was churning away trying to keep a comfortable temperature to spite the fact that I had two ovens, every burner on the stove and the dishwasher on its fifth cycle of the day, I was somewhat short of comfortable by the time I changed my clothes and got ready to sit down for dinner.
While we were eating dinner the cold front that was promised to us all week finally arrived and we opened the window in the Dinning Room to allow some much needed fresh air into the room, and it actually started to get comfortable in there until my mother-in-law (I am confident that there will be many post about her in the future of this blog) said that she was (try to say the next word with a Puerto Rican accent in your head) "FREEZING" (good job I knew you could do it), so we closed up the window and made coffee.
As is the birth right of every American I ate too much, though it was all pretty good, if I do say so myself. This concludes the stretch parts section of the post, I am pretty sure that it is pretty self explanatory or in the words Forrest Gump... "that's all I have to say about that".
8:30pm - Now keep in mind that it was 84 degrees just 3 hours ago - IT's SNOWING - IN HOUSTON!
A forty degree drop in temperature in three and a half hours and snow.... I think that it is a Thanksgiving miracle, or a cruel joke on Al Gore....I think I like that possibility best :)
Monday, November 22, 2010
Football and Friends
When I was 14 years old I moved to San Diego, California from the middle of no where Ohio. Living in Ohio in the 70s was great for a football fan as long as, by football you meant Ohio State. Ohio State football meant Woody Hayes, Archie Griffith and his younger brother Ray, but pro football meant liking a team from somewhere else.
There were two professional teams in Ohio, the Cleveland Browns (who are now the Baltimore Ravens) and the Cincinnati Bengals. The two teams seemed to be in an annual contest to see who would be the worst team (even though the Bengals got both of the Griffith brothers). Most of my friends were Miami Dolphin fans because during this time, they were the best in the league. I was a New England Patriots fan, because we were originally from Massachusetts and my father was a Patriots fan (and who didn't love Pat Patriot?).
In 1979 my family moved to San Diego, just in time for the start of football season, and I was exposed to an exciting team that actually won most of their games, and they were local. Yes, I am talking about the San Diego Chargers, and the exciting "Air Coryell", Dan Fouts offense, where the slogan was the best defense is a good offense.
When I say that I was "exposed" I mean that in the sense of a virus or other communicable disease. It has been a very difficult life being a Charger fan, the team that is perpetually good enough to get your hopes up just to have them shattered year after year.
I have since moved from San Diego, I have lived in Los Angeles, Orange County, Atlanta and now Houston, TX, and everywhere I go, I find myself surrounded by fans of every team BUT the Chargers. In Los Angeles and Orange County, I was subjected to Raider fans, the Raiders are the arch enemy of all Charger Fans. In Atlanta I was subjected to the most annoying Falcon fan you could ever imagine, body painting, fanatic who truly did believe that if the team lost (which they did nearly every week) that it was do to a personal failing by him, he didn't cheer hard enough, didn't wear the right underwear, etc. This guy actually chose the date when he got married because it was a bye week for the Falcons. Now, I live in Houston, and there are hardly any Texan Fans around mostly because the team hasn't had a good enough season yet to get the Band Wagon loaded up, but I am surrounded by Denver Bronco fans.
I bring this up, because the Chargers are playing on Monday night football tonight and I have one of those Bronco Fans coming over to watch the game with me. I know that it is a odd pairing, but what are you gonna do?
Tonight's game is a battle to see who is going to be in the bottom of the Division, but the Chargers are known for having slow starts and I have to keep the faith.
Does anyone know where I can get medical treatment for this Charger disease? Perhaps there is an inpatient rehab.....Someone call Betty Ford. (Is she still alive?)
There were two professional teams in Ohio, the Cleveland Browns (who are now the Baltimore Ravens) and the Cincinnati Bengals. The two teams seemed to be in an annual contest to see who would be the worst team (even though the Bengals got both of the Griffith brothers). Most of my friends were Miami Dolphin fans because during this time, they were the best in the league. I was a New England Patriots fan, because we were originally from Massachusetts and my father was a Patriots fan (and who didn't love Pat Patriot?).
In 1979 my family moved to San Diego, just in time for the start of football season, and I was exposed to an exciting team that actually won most of their games, and they were local. Yes, I am talking about the San Diego Chargers, and the exciting "Air Coryell", Dan Fouts offense, where the slogan was the best defense is a good offense.
When I say that I was "exposed" I mean that in the sense of a virus or other communicable disease. It has been a very difficult life being a Charger fan, the team that is perpetually good enough to get your hopes up just to have them shattered year after year.
I have since moved from San Diego, I have lived in Los Angeles, Orange County, Atlanta and now Houston, TX, and everywhere I go, I find myself surrounded by fans of every team BUT the Chargers. In Los Angeles and Orange County, I was subjected to Raider fans, the Raiders are the arch enemy of all Charger Fans. In Atlanta I was subjected to the most annoying Falcon fan you could ever imagine, body painting, fanatic who truly did believe that if the team lost (which they did nearly every week) that it was do to a personal failing by him, he didn't cheer hard enough, didn't wear the right underwear, etc. This guy actually chose the date when he got married because it was a bye week for the Falcons. Now, I live in Houston, and there are hardly any Texan Fans around mostly because the team hasn't had a good enough season yet to get the Band Wagon loaded up, but I am surrounded by Denver Bronco fans.
I bring this up, because the Chargers are playing on Monday night football tonight and I have one of those Bronco Fans coming over to watch the game with me. I know that it is a odd pairing, but what are you gonna do?
Tonight's game is a battle to see who is going to be in the bottom of the Division, but the Chargers are known for having slow starts and I have to keep the faith.
Does anyone know where I can get medical treatment for this Charger disease? Perhaps there is an inpatient rehab.....Someone call Betty Ford. (Is she still alive?)
Friday, November 19, 2010
What's in a grade?
Like all suburban white guys, I think that my kids are the greatest thing that ever happened to the world. I can't help it, I think that this opinion is issued to you when you check out of the hospital with them.
That being said, I feel very fortunate to have the kids that I have and I have to give most of the credit to their mother, because I have spent half their lives on airplanes and Holiday Inn Deluxe King Suites, so the single biggest influence on them through the years has been their mom. They are all old enough now to have a great deal of influence come from their friends as well, and we have been very fortunate in the friends that they have chosen as well.
Report cards came in the mail yesterday.
Our oldest, is a senior in high school and we are actively searching for the perfect university for him, and he got on the honor roll for the second period in a row. He has come a little late to this party, for the past six years we have hounded him to get his work done, and he has spent more energy avoiding homework than it would have taken him to do the work, but he has finally figured it out. Hopefully once he gets to college this new interest in actually doing the work will stick. It would have made things alot easier if he had just figured this out three years ago and then the schools would be picking him instead of the other way around. He is alot like I was in High School, never studies, never does the homework, but aces the tests so his grades are always respectable. It's hard to get mad at him when he is doing exactly what I did.
Our youngest who has always had pretty good grades, but has also had some of my tendencies when it comes to homework and studying, discovered football this year. He is in the seventh grade, and being that we live in Texas, he has been baptised into the world of Texas football. I can only liken this to a Bar Mitzvah or a confirmation (depending on your religious perspective, I grew up as an altar boy in the Catholic Church (more on that later) but went to more than the average number of Bar Mitzvahs and Bat Mitzvahs due to close family friends, so I feel qualified to refer to it either way, even though I am here in the south, which explains the original baptism description as an homage to my Baptist friends). His grade this year started out a little bit shaky because he was too busy memorizing his playbook instead of doing his homework. He figured out the balance and I am now happy to report that he made the honor role this period as well.
Now, our daughter, who is also the middle child, has been on the honor role since preschool where she clearly excelled in coloring in the lines and building with blocks, managed to get 4 A's 1 B a D and an Incomplete this period. She faithfully does her homework, her teachers love her, she doesn't have any of the bad traits that I had, like insisting that I was smarter than all of my teachers, she has been the perfect student. I am pretty sure that what has happened is that she has discovered the joy and freedom of high shcool (she is a freshman this year) and all of the activities and the associated boys that go along with it. She is brilliant like the other two so I am sure that she will get this fixed before the end of the semester.
It's never boring around her at report card time!
That being said, I feel very fortunate to have the kids that I have and I have to give most of the credit to their mother, because I have spent half their lives on airplanes and Holiday Inn Deluxe King Suites, so the single biggest influence on them through the years has been their mom. They are all old enough now to have a great deal of influence come from their friends as well, and we have been very fortunate in the friends that they have chosen as well.
Report cards came in the mail yesterday.
Our oldest, is a senior in high school and we are actively searching for the perfect university for him, and he got on the honor roll for the second period in a row. He has come a little late to this party, for the past six years we have hounded him to get his work done, and he has spent more energy avoiding homework than it would have taken him to do the work, but he has finally figured it out. Hopefully once he gets to college this new interest in actually doing the work will stick. It would have made things alot easier if he had just figured this out three years ago and then the schools would be picking him instead of the other way around. He is alot like I was in High School, never studies, never does the homework, but aces the tests so his grades are always respectable. It's hard to get mad at him when he is doing exactly what I did.
Our youngest who has always had pretty good grades, but has also had some of my tendencies when it comes to homework and studying, discovered football this year. He is in the seventh grade, and being that we live in Texas, he has been baptised into the world of Texas football. I can only liken this to a Bar Mitzvah or a confirmation (depending on your religious perspective, I grew up as an altar boy in the Catholic Church (more on that later) but went to more than the average number of Bar Mitzvahs and Bat Mitzvahs due to close family friends, so I feel qualified to refer to it either way, even though I am here in the south, which explains the original baptism description as an homage to my Baptist friends). His grade this year started out a little bit shaky because he was too busy memorizing his playbook instead of doing his homework. He figured out the balance and I am now happy to report that he made the honor role this period as well.
Now, our daughter, who is also the middle child, has been on the honor role since preschool where she clearly excelled in coloring in the lines and building with blocks, managed to get 4 A's 1 B a D and an Incomplete this period. She faithfully does her homework, her teachers love her, she doesn't have any of the bad traits that I had, like insisting that I was smarter than all of my teachers, she has been the perfect student. I am pretty sure that what has happened is that she has discovered the joy and freedom of high shcool (she is a freshman this year) and all of the activities and the associated boys that go along with it. She is brilliant like the other two so I am sure that she will get this fixed before the end of the semester.
It's never boring around her at report card time!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
In the begining
Sometimes I seem to have a unique view of the world, not better or worse than anyone else, but in my never to be humble opinion right.
I am not one to be politically correct, but I am also much more tolerant of other people's views than many, even those who know me well, might think. To be fair, though I do tolerate other peoples views, I usually think that they are wrong, unless of course they are agreeing with me.
My intent with this blog is not to focus on politics, or any single subject for that matter, but to just pontificate on what I ever I find to be of interest at any given time. I will try not to be self indulgent, and will hopefully be able to provide insight and entertainment to those who read this blog.
I am not one to be politically correct, but I am also much more tolerant of other people's views than many, even those who know me well, might think. To be fair, though I do tolerate other peoples views, I usually think that they are wrong, unless of course they are agreeing with me.
My intent with this blog is not to focus on politics, or any single subject for that matter, but to just pontificate on what I ever I find to be of interest at any given time. I will try not to be self indulgent, and will hopefully be able to provide insight and entertainment to those who read this blog.
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